Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run. The phrase was evidently coined by Bill Milliken when he wrote the book Tough Love in 1968 and has been used by numerous authors since then.
In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love. Athletic coaches who maintain strict rules and highly demanding training regimens, but who care about their players, could also be said to be practicing tough love.
For my part TOUGHLOVE has taught me to stop blaming. I am focusing on how I respond to my daughter and learning to detach. I no longer rescue her when she has a problem and I no longer think of her as a victim.
From `ToughLove website:
`As my daughter tells me, it is she who made the decision to stop using drugs and me who made the decision not to tolerate drugs in our home. She is responsible for her own behaviour and I am responsible for my own behaviour.’
This is not intended as a reflection of my own situation. My own daughter is not and has never been a drug addict.
My motto and advice to other parents is: Never give up, Never Never give up.
Tough Love can be applied to other areas of Life. There are lots of people who blame others for what happens in their life. Its about them learning to take responsibility for themselves and their choices. Making them responsible for their own choices.
I’m tired of being the rescuer, I want others to face their responsibilities with regard to the choices they have made. Life’s lessons will keep on repeating until we learn them, the pattern will repeat over and over again, marriage breakups, disputes. Grow up! Stop blaming others, start taking responsibility.
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