by Caroline Oceana Ryan
Greetings, Friends! We are very pleased to have this moment to speak with you today. Today we respond to another question from a Light Bringer, who asks:
We are all aware that difficult people are meant to teach us lessons around patience and forgiveness. And there are various ways to do that (cut cords / affirmations / writing decrees / visualization), especially around birth family.
We may have forgiven a toxic family member and are not consciously engaging with them. But we can’t deny the fact that many Lightworkers at this time are stationed in their parents’ home and out of a job.
They’re doing their best to earn and be independent using their gifts. But sometimes, conditions like a lockdown or financial blocks force us to stay longer with a toxic family.
How is it possible to forgive a family member who constantly abuses you, looks down on you, or is sadistic? To forgive and not be hurt when they continue to attack?
In that moment, have our efforts to remain patient gone to waste? Are we right in feeling hurt and wanting to cut all ties for good, to walk away when the moment arises?
We would say, that this is indeed a time of added challenge that can feel to be an unreasonable extreme on many levels.
Many are having to deal not only with the added requirements of protecting themselves and loved ones from a virus, but also the stresses of less income, and therefore living with family members whom they would ordinarily avoid or see only occasionally.
You have heard it said, that simply because a group of people are related does not mean that they will all get along or like one another, whether on a personality level, and regarding chosen ways of living.
Yet there is a further weight added, which is that most Light Bringers will incarnate into a bloodline or a family that contains members who have also been difficult or abusive, or dismissive or abandoning in other lives in which they have known them.
This can be difficult, as all concerned have some slight memory ringing quietly in their heart at times, to finally settle old grievances in peaceful ways with this person whom they may love, yet cannot see eye-to-eye with.
This adds to the confusion, as it is Love that motivates people to want to finally make Peace with someone, yet the very things that divided you once will most assuredly seek to divide you again.
You have come in—and we speak to all now—to know who you are and to grow further, in the context of struggles such as you describe.
Yet you also came to plant a bright Light in dense and difficult family circumstances—your own, and the world’s.
This would seem to be the perfect time for any spiritually aware person to ask “Why?” in terms of the exclusion, derision, and other forms of abandonment they receive from those they feel ought to be loving and supportive of them and all family members.
Yet it is the most unnecessary question you could ask, because of the path you all marked out for yourselves before incarnating.
Most of you volunteered to come into the most difficult family circumstances, and in some cases, the darkest, in terms of the least evolved and conscious people or connections you could encounter for your soul path.
And so, yes—this has meant what is termed abuse, which from the higher perspective is simply a form of density that many have written into their life charts as a way of continuing the “grand experiment” of Earth life.
That experiment of “good vs. bad” duality has held most of you in a cyclic repeat of experiences.
Each attempt, each life lived in the third dimension, is determined to break the cycle, yet generally, only nominal progress is made.
Earth is well known amongst the planetary civilizations for dense emotion and behavior.
Your planetary culture is considered by most other races of beings in this Universe to be both wayward and backward, both violent and regressive, though that is changing now as both Earth’s and humanity’s vibrations rise.
Deep down, you understand that you came in to learn how to Love difficult people, in the sense of releasing them to their path, and not needing them to change for you or anyone—and to let go the need to have your Love returned, for often, that is not the path you chose.
That understanding can be of assistance to you, yet there will still be moments when you desire simply to be far from them and the density of their energetic confusion.
You are still living inside of human bodies carefully trained to respond to outer stimulus first, in terms of survival and self-preservation.
For most people, that means a self-protective stance that reacts with disappointment and pain at being on the receiving end of dense energies.
It is also very demanding for most Light Bearers, who are natural healers, to see density and to allow it, without wanting to mend or fix the problem at its core.
It is also not your logical mind that receives the words and actions of loved ones.
That is how you receive the words and actions of those with whom you have no emotional investment.
With loved ones, you receive their words and actions through your desire to love them and to be loved, and considering the other-life history you will have had with these persons, that amounts to receiving what they say and do through your woundedness, and your desire to finally settle old scores.
What our friend who sent in the question is really asking how they can not allow the behavior of others to affect them, despite who those people are to them.
And how to get beyond the feeling that once you have forgiven someone, they ought not to be insulting or difficult any longer.
Yet we assure you, they will be a thorn in your side for as long as you allow.
And you need not allow it.
So it is not a question of whether it is “right” to be hurt, or to want to walk away.
Feeling hurt is a choice, though for most, a deeply unconscious one. Walking away is what must occur for many who realize that the dialogue they came in to create will not seed and take root as they had hoped.
That is also acceptance of the other person–allowing the gap between you to be as it is, without trying to fix or mend.
And yet–you are still stuck in the house with these dear ones who are so confused, as you have been in many other lives–as all have been.
And so, let us suppose you were speaking with a three-year-old in the family, and they announced to you one day, “You are old and fat and stupid!”
You would probably laugh at this, and then patiently explain that these are not nice or acceptable things to say to someone.
You might then add, “Can you think of something nicer to say? People will be happier to spend time with you when you point out their good qualities!”
Now, it would of course be useless to say this to another adult who is used to being insulting.
What is relevant here is your reaction–your calm response–to the out-of-control three-year-old.
You understand certain things about the three-year-old that are necessary for responding to him or her in positive, even logical ways.
You are aware that they have very little life experience, and that they still live at a level emotionally in which they are unaware that anyone’s feelings count but their own.
They are also stuck for how to express themselves in ways that reflect well on themselves as well as others—it doesn’t occur to them that by behaving “badly,” they are making themselves look bad.
And they may have been influenced by others in this or another life to behave badly as a way of functioning in the world.
You don’t receive the words of an immature child, or a mentally ill adult, or someone suffering from dementia, as ideas to be taken seriously and reacted to strongly–you remain patient.
And we would say, dear ones, if there were ever a time to not react—to not endlessly slide up and down the emotional scale according to what you see and hear happening around you—Now is that time!
We would say also, that the person you are most looking to forgive is yourself.
Forgive yourself for not being so independently wealthy that you need never live with family, or anyone who is not kind and supportive.
Forgive yourself for being caught up in a world situation over which you have no control.
Forgive yourself for not having a job, or much (or any) business income at the moment.
Forgive yourself for once again incarnating into a third dimensional life and having to face all the discord, shock, and density therein.
You will come through this, dear ones, but you speed things along to the higher dimensional solution by refusing to “play”—refusing to react to that which is designed to hurt or frighten you.
Understand that those who abuse are usually the utterly unconscious tools and vessels of dense forces that wish to diminish your Light, and which live off of the dense emotion of those who abuse and abandon others.
It is not your path to re-route or save them. Send them Light, then shake the dust from your feet and move on inwardly, even if you cannot yet outwardly.
Do not allow yourself to react to their comments, their actions, their low intent.
Get physically away from them when they act up, and give yourself the breathing room needed to return to your calm center.
If you feel to be physically in danger, you must find other housing—require direction from your Spirit team, and stay open to possibilities you will not have thought of yet.
No one is abandoning you to these difficult situations, nor will they last indefinitely.
Break away from the dark atmosphere of an unhappy home whenever you can by spending time outdoors or in a neutral setting.
And know that we are with you—in your meditation time, in your daily goings on, as you travel etherically at night—we and all your Divine helpers and soul family support and believe in you, and the path you chose before incarnating.
Let your Spirit team, your guides and higher self, know what must change now, and what you need assistance in releasing for all time.
Step out of the cycle of repeating conflict and denial, and know that you are whole, powerful, and a sovereign being in all ways, and cannot be otherwise.
Namaste, dear ones! You will come through this.
And we are with you, always.