August 15, 2021 by Catherine Viel
August 14, 2021A destination or an origin?…Waiting to go back to the life I left…I do not know whether to call thisAn origin or a destination. ~Alfred Corn, Infinity Effect at the Hotel Soubise
It’s been my experience that a person can tolerate many things as long as the endpoint is known.
Pain and suffering, unpleasant circumstances or an inimical environment, things we just don’t like…Humans are a resilient bunch.
Need to endure something for a day? A week? Even a month? Yes, we can…provided we knowit is only a day or a week or a month.
Not indefinitely, also known as “possibly forever.”
It feels like forever, but we’ve been subject to an ant invasion for just under a month. I’ve done my best to communicate with Gaia and with the ants. But the incursions continue.
The second pest control company I contacted was able to give us an appointment in five days.
An instant sense of relief flooded me. I felt as if I could breathe freely for the first time in weeks.
Such a minor irritation on the scale of bad things. But a major, relentless, ongoing, and interminable disruption in my daily life.
The most untenable part of that equation is “interminable.”
I don’t believe anyone (who actually knows) will say, “The truth is coming out on (date). Get ready to throw away your masks and deep-six all the poison vaccines.”
If I keep hoping that someone will reveal an ironclad endpoint to world craziness, I’ll be nothing but disappointed.
Much as I want to enjoy the same sense of profound relief I experienced with knowing the endpoint of the ant invasion, it’s not likely to happen with the world situation.
My avenues for upliftment seem limited. Right now all I can manage is a trickle of gratitude that every time I scrub away a new ant trail, it’s closer to the last time I’ll have to do so.
This tiny area of “soon it will be better” (with an actual date) may have to suffice for all the areas I can’t seem to muster equanimity about at this moment.
The other thing I can manage is a level of compassionate indifference to what others do and what the outside world keeps tossing in my path. The people choosing to get vaxxed to keep a job or go to school; the families all masked up outdoors even though it’s not required; the relentless 80-point-type Covid headlines that all lead to Get Vaxxed Now, no matter the ostensible content of the article…
I erect a barrier between all that, and me. Indifference, surrender, whatever it is, can be my shield.
I can’t command the changes I desire. With luck, perhaps I can command me, with the utmost love and respect for the self that is enduring what seems to be an endpoint of infinity.